So I turn 31 in 21 and a half hours. 31 years old and I feel like its wrong. I am single, still. Living with friends I love dearly. Working in a job that I don't like but finding a new one at the holidays doesn't seem like the best option. I have a family that loves me, but once again I won't be able to see them on my birthday or on the Holidays this year. Damn my car for dying. Things are going good though. I'm finally feeling financially secure. I feel a little more stable every day. I feel a little bit more okay with being who I am every day too. I no longer look over my shoulder wondering who is going to jump me now for who I am or what I say. If they have a problem with it, that is their problem not mine. I am not where I'd like to be emotionally. Got to work on that, but until I can solve my sleep issue that's still on the back burner. I will admit I let things get to me too easily. But then again I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and it messes me up at time. Like today before work I was reading a webcomic that I am really liking. In it the main character's mother passes away after spending a really nice day with her husband. I got upset and sad at the comic at that point. A few days later in the archive they showed the funeral. I read it and cried for like 20 minutes. It got me to thinking about my grandfather and how sometime in the near future that will be him. After 50 odd years of life with my grandmother he'll just go to sleep one day and never wake up. Or at least I hope that's how it will happen. I love him very much and its hard for me to even think of it. I'm tearing up even now as I write this. Sometimes I really hate life. It seems unfair that you get attached to people, love them with all your heart and they go away just like that. Never to be seen again. Never to be loved again. I also thought about how I will feel when that's my parents. Mom and dad aren't getting any younger. This I know. And I don't want to face that day when someone calls me and says "Mom/Dad is dead". I've already told my friends here in Louisville that the day I get the call about my grandfather I'm going to be a wreck. I don't even want to think what I'll be like if its one of my parents.
Okay change of subject. So Thursday is my birthday. Because "B" and "A" have birthdays in November too (Nov. 2nd for "B" and Nov. 18 for "A") we are having a joint birthday party on Saturday. This seems like its going to be a whole hell of a lot of fun. Even if its us, "Double T" and a couple of other friends we are going to enjoy ourselves and have a good time. I can't wait to see my present from "Double T". I already know what it is but I can't wait to see the final product. I also am wondering what "A" and "B" have gotten me for the Anniversary of my escape from the Womb. "T" and I got "B" a Cthulhu water bottle and Cthulhu mints. If you don't know what that is sorry, not going to explain it here. I know what I'm getting "A". Just got to go out to the mall and get it. So anyways, that's enough rambling for tonight.
Later Kiddies,
W
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
"I want a Sunday kind of Love......" Ah how I like to hear Etta James sing this song. I want what she talks about in the song. I want a lover that is on the square. Someone who is straightforward and doesn't play games. I want to have that person who I can wake up in bed with and just cuddle with them and go right back to sleep in their arms. I want that person who I stay in bed with all day on a rainy day. This is what Etta is talking about too. So we both want that great love who is there on Sunday morning. I am hoping that is coming for me. We shall see but there is a possibility in the wings and I'm going to see how he works out.
In other news I've been thinking about giving something a try. For those of you who don't know I've flirted with trying to be a drag queen for a couple years now. I even have a stage name already. I am now seriously thinking of giving it a try in the near future. My life is stabilizing more and more. Maybe I'll give it a try after the first of the year. I don't know yet. Just a thought.
So I turn 31 soon. God I'm getting old. But in a way it needs to happen. I need to be old. That way my wisdom and age will finally match each other.
Well that's all for today children.
TTFN,
Wes
In other news I've been thinking about giving something a try. For those of you who don't know I've flirted with trying to be a drag queen for a couple years now. I even have a stage name already. I am now seriously thinking of giving it a try in the near future. My life is stabilizing more and more. Maybe I'll give it a try after the first of the year. I don't know yet. Just a thought.
So I turn 31 soon. God I'm getting old. But in a way it needs to happen. I need to be old. That way my wisdom and age will finally match each other.
Well that's all for today children.
TTFN,
Wes
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I'm depressed. I'll be the first to admit it. Why am I depressed? Well that is a little trickier to pinpoint. I think its because I've been living in Louisville for almost 2 years now and the only real friends I have I live with. I have one friend who lives in Scottsburg but I get to see "J" only now and again. And being friends with your housemates is cool but I need people outside the house to be friends with. I'm trying to develop friendships but the thing is that most of the people I try to develop friendships with want to turn it into a sexual thing and I don't want that. For once can't I get a friend that isn't going to want me to fuck him or him fuck me? Yeah, yeah, I'm gay and that's all we do so why am I complaining? Well that's dead wrong. Not all of us focus on just sex. I would like to have a meaningful relationship that didn't involve me getting on my knees.
The other reason I am depressed is sexual. I am successfully hobbled in that I can't have any kind of sexual relationships with anyone because I have no place to go and when most guys find out I don't have a car they quit talking to me since I can't come to them. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I can't just materialize a car out of no where. As for not being able to have anything at the house. Well since T's living here too its hard to just ask him to leave so I can get my freak on. A could just hop on her scooter and leave or hide in her bedroom and play video games. T is a little more difficult since he's camping on the couch until he can find a place of his own. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just tired of it all.
The other reason I am depressed is sexual. I am successfully hobbled in that I can't have any kind of sexual relationships with anyone because I have no place to go and when most guys find out I don't have a car they quit talking to me since I can't come to them. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I can't just materialize a car out of no where. As for not being able to have anything at the house. Well since T's living here too its hard to just ask him to leave so I can get my freak on. A could just hop on her scooter and leave or hide in her bedroom and play video games. T is a little more difficult since he's camping on the couch until he can find a place of his own. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just tired of it all.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
So exciting things are changing in my world. I got the internet installed last Friday. Over the weekend I didn't get to use it a lot due to work and working on the house. So Monday I was online and started talking to this guy. We shall call him D. D and I got to talking a lot that day and it continued Tuesday and today. We are going to meet the first time on Friday but we both think its going to lead to a relationship. He is all about me. He keeps complimenting me and making me feel special with just his words. I haven't had a boyfriend yet who makes me feel this way. I'm giddy like a little school girl. I can't wait for Friday to get here.
In other news my friend and house mate A has hurt her wrist. A sprained it somehow, there's a story there but we haven't talked yet. I'm just glad it wasn't broken like she thought. Things are going kinda off kilter for us all now so I'm hoping we can survive it all.
I gotta work tomorrow evening. So I can catch the bus to work but then I have to hoof it home because the bus doesn't run that late. Oh well. Them are the breaks in the big shitty. I really need a car. If any of you out there have a spare car I'll take it off your hands. We might have to work out payment arrangements but I think we can figure something out.
Well gotta go for now.
Toodles,
Wes
In other news my friend and house mate A has hurt her wrist. A sprained it somehow, there's a story there but we haven't talked yet. I'm just glad it wasn't broken like she thought. Things are going kinda off kilter for us all now so I'm hoping we can survive it all.
I gotta work tomorrow evening. So I can catch the bus to work but then I have to hoof it home because the bus doesn't run that late. Oh well. Them are the breaks in the big shitty. I really need a car. If any of you out there have a spare car I'll take it off your hands. We might have to work out payment arrangements but I think we can figure something out.
Well gotta go for now.
Toodles,
Wes
Monday, August 23, 2010
So things have changed alot in the last few months. So as the King of Hearts said to the White Rabbit, "Start at the beginning and go until you stop".
First things first, I went to New York state with Thom and his boyfriend at the time in February. I was out of a job and it was just a needed break. We stayed for like 4 days. Nothing major. I met his mother, aunt and uncle. We hung around the house. It was ok. The trip home was hell. We were about an hour from being out of the state and I got clocked for speeding in the car the guys had bought from Thom's uncle. So I pull over, get my ticket and think cool we can go on. Then Asshat McStatetrooper decides to investigate Thom's car. He has Thom get out. Well I'm not 100 percent sure what happened next, but the next thing I know Thom's in handcuffs. Me and the boyfriend go to where they are going to arraign Thom and wait. Then find out we have to go 10 miles further on because this courthouse is closed. After the arraignment we then had to go over two mountains to get to the nearest Wal-Mart and get the money Thom's mom wired to bail him out. That would have been okay if it hadn't started snowing and getting icy. I had to drive and was doing the white knuckle shuffle. So we finally get Thom out of the pokey at around 9pm. Now we have been on the road since 9am and hadn't left the state of New York. Thom and his boyfriend decided to go back to mom's since he had court on Wednesday. I decided to go back to Kentucky, because I was tired and wanted to sleep in my bed. 12 hours later I finally got home. I had been on the road for 24 hours. I slept most of the next day. Thom had to pay fines and all was good. They came home later that week.
About two weeks later Thom and his boyfriend decided to let me know they were moving to New York to take care of mom. She's dying and his aunt and uncle are older folks so they could use the help in taking care of mom. I was devastated. I was losing my best friend. I still didn't have a job and I wasn't sure how I was gonna make ends meet. Thom helped me on that one and I got his old job at the Circle K. They left March 15th. I started work that night.
Working at Circle K is okay. Sometimes I wished I didn't but most days I'm okay with it. Now if I could just get paid more. I worked at the one on Blankenbaker and made a couple good friends there. Brandon and AJ have been godsends. Life still sucks without a car but I'll make due. I recently transferred to a new store but I'm getting ahead of myself.
In May, my baby brother T graduated High School. He's 12 years younger than me and a cool kid. I wouldn't trade him for anything (well okay, maybe a car). I went back home to see him walk. I was never so proud as I was with him. You see, I helped raise the little shit. Mom and dad leaned on me to help with the boys by the time he came along. J and S were only 7 and 5 so they wouldn't be much of help so at 11 I became a surrogate father. I took care of the boys while mom and dad worked and made sure we had a roof over our head and food in our belly. I had to grow up quick and lost some years as a teen because of it, but oh well such is life. When we moved to Tennessee right after I turned 15 I really had to grow. Mom was working 60 or more hours each week. Dad was living in Indiana trying to sell the house there and working on becoming vested with the company he worked for so he would have a pension when he finally did move south. He came in on weekends, but during the week I was it. I cooked, cleaned, made sure the boys got baths, got a bath myself and still had to do homework. It was hell. Anyways I ramble. T was 3 when we moved to Tennessee. He's now 19. The boy has grown and I feel old. Hard to think I'll be 31 this year.
June passed rather uneventfully. Well other than Pride weekend. That was fun. Then July came. My brother J was getting married at the end of the month to K. She is a sweetheart and I have a new little sister. However, about mid month my landlady decided I needed to move out. So I had to figure out what the fuck I was gonna do. Thank the Gods for A and B. They had an empty room since A's daughter H was moving out. I moved in. Got that done with only hours to spare before I had to go to Tennessee for the wedding. I spent the last few days of July in Tennessee. Got to see my friend J and meet her boyfriend N. Got to see my family for the first time in a while. But I was so glad to come back home.
I'm still trying to finish unpacking at the new place but there are reasons that isn't done yet. That will be remedied in the next couple of weeks. So now I'm living with A and B. We are getting the house in order and preparing for November. Oh did I forget to mention we are all Scorpios with birthdays in a 2 and a half week time span? We are having a super birthday blowout the weekend after my birthday. Now to the transfer. Well I don't have a car. Closest I could get to my old store was still two miles away if I took the bus. Now for a while A had a car and she was giving me rides home on the days I had to work noon to 7 and rides to work on the days I had to work overnights. My boss Brandon was picking me up on the noontime shifts at the bus stop and dropping me off in the mornings when I worked overnights. However, when I got back from Tennessee in after the wedding things had changed. A lost her car (long story). Brandon could help me out some days getting to but not all. So I was back to hoofing it. Well that made me get pissy and angry. So finally after one day of walking 2 miles in the heat I told Brandon to transfer me or I quit. He wasn't going to be able to transfer me. That is until the next morning when I get a call that I'm being transferred closer to home. 2 miles instead of 12 makes a bid difference let me tell you. And its on a bus line. I can get off damn near in front of the store. YAY! So that is where I stand now.
Well kids, I'm out. I need to get off here and get myself ready for a day of moving furniture and chopping up trees. TTFN
First things first, I went to New York state with Thom and his boyfriend at the time in February. I was out of a job and it was just a needed break. We stayed for like 4 days. Nothing major. I met his mother, aunt and uncle. We hung around the house. It was ok. The trip home was hell. We were about an hour from being out of the state and I got clocked for speeding in the car the guys had bought from Thom's uncle. So I pull over, get my ticket and think cool we can go on. Then Asshat McStatetrooper decides to investigate Thom's car. He has Thom get out. Well I'm not 100 percent sure what happened next, but the next thing I know Thom's in handcuffs. Me and the boyfriend go to where they are going to arraign Thom and wait. Then find out we have to go 10 miles further on because this courthouse is closed. After the arraignment we then had to go over two mountains to get to the nearest Wal-Mart and get the money Thom's mom wired to bail him out. That would have been okay if it hadn't started snowing and getting icy. I had to drive and was doing the white knuckle shuffle. So we finally get Thom out of the pokey at around 9pm. Now we have been on the road since 9am and hadn't left the state of New York. Thom and his boyfriend decided to go back to mom's since he had court on Wednesday. I decided to go back to Kentucky, because I was tired and wanted to sleep in my bed. 12 hours later I finally got home. I had been on the road for 24 hours. I slept most of the next day. Thom had to pay fines and all was good. They came home later that week.
About two weeks later Thom and his boyfriend decided to let me know they were moving to New York to take care of mom. She's dying and his aunt and uncle are older folks so they could use the help in taking care of mom. I was devastated. I was losing my best friend. I still didn't have a job and I wasn't sure how I was gonna make ends meet. Thom helped me on that one and I got his old job at the Circle K. They left March 15th. I started work that night.
Working at Circle K is okay. Sometimes I wished I didn't but most days I'm okay with it. Now if I could just get paid more. I worked at the one on Blankenbaker and made a couple good friends there. Brandon and AJ have been godsends. Life still sucks without a car but I'll make due. I recently transferred to a new store but I'm getting ahead of myself.
In May, my baby brother T graduated High School. He's 12 years younger than me and a cool kid. I wouldn't trade him for anything (well okay, maybe a car). I went back home to see him walk. I was never so proud as I was with him. You see, I helped raise the little shit. Mom and dad leaned on me to help with the boys by the time he came along. J and S were only 7 and 5 so they wouldn't be much of help so at 11 I became a surrogate father. I took care of the boys while mom and dad worked and made sure we had a roof over our head and food in our belly. I had to grow up quick and lost some years as a teen because of it, but oh well such is life. When we moved to Tennessee right after I turned 15 I really had to grow. Mom was working 60 or more hours each week. Dad was living in Indiana trying to sell the house there and working on becoming vested with the company he worked for so he would have a pension when he finally did move south. He came in on weekends, but during the week I was it. I cooked, cleaned, made sure the boys got baths, got a bath myself and still had to do homework. It was hell. Anyways I ramble. T was 3 when we moved to Tennessee. He's now 19. The boy has grown and I feel old. Hard to think I'll be 31 this year.
June passed rather uneventfully. Well other than Pride weekend. That was fun. Then July came. My brother J was getting married at the end of the month to K. She is a sweetheart and I have a new little sister. However, about mid month my landlady decided I needed to move out. So I had to figure out what the fuck I was gonna do. Thank the Gods for A and B. They had an empty room since A's daughter H was moving out. I moved in. Got that done with only hours to spare before I had to go to Tennessee for the wedding. I spent the last few days of July in Tennessee. Got to see my friend J and meet her boyfriend N. Got to see my family for the first time in a while. But I was so glad to come back home.
I'm still trying to finish unpacking at the new place but there are reasons that isn't done yet. That will be remedied in the next couple of weeks. So now I'm living with A and B. We are getting the house in order and preparing for November. Oh did I forget to mention we are all Scorpios with birthdays in a 2 and a half week time span? We are having a super birthday blowout the weekend after my birthday. Now to the transfer. Well I don't have a car. Closest I could get to my old store was still two miles away if I took the bus. Now for a while A had a car and she was giving me rides home on the days I had to work noon to 7 and rides to work on the days I had to work overnights. My boss Brandon was picking me up on the noontime shifts at the bus stop and dropping me off in the mornings when I worked overnights. However, when I got back from Tennessee in after the wedding things had changed. A lost her car (long story). Brandon could help me out some days getting to but not all. So I was back to hoofing it. Well that made me get pissy and angry. So finally after one day of walking 2 miles in the heat I told Brandon to transfer me or I quit. He wasn't going to be able to transfer me. That is until the next morning when I get a call that I'm being transferred closer to home. 2 miles instead of 12 makes a bid difference let me tell you. And its on a bus line. I can get off damn near in front of the store. YAY! So that is where I stand now.
Well kids, I'm out. I need to get off here and get myself ready for a day of moving furniture and chopping up trees. TTFN
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Valentine's Day. Bleahhhgggg.....*wipes vomit from mouth* Sorry. I hate this "holiday". For a few reasons. One being that its such a sucky day. People being all lovey dovey and crap. Gag me with a spoon. I mean don't get me wrong I like romance just as much as the next person but this is the one day it goes overboard.
Okay, okay so maybe its because I'm single that I'm feeling this way. Maybe its because I don't have anyone to love in my life right now I'm feeling this way. Maybe its because I feel like I'm never going to have it even though I know its coming. I just want to scream most days. I just hate the feelings I'm having right now. It sucks donkey balls.
Okay, okay so maybe its because I'm single that I'm feeling this way. Maybe its because I don't have anyone to love in my life right now I'm feeling this way. Maybe its because I feel like I'm never going to have it even though I know its coming. I just want to scream most days. I just hate the feelings I'm having right now. It sucks donkey balls.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Best laid plans of Mice....
So I haven't updated this in a few days cause I've been adjusting to finally being off overnights. Its a lot busier at the hotel during the day. I'll admit the other reason is a little selfish. I've been reading alot again and I've been stuck in a book series I love but have yet to finish. Nor will be likely to finish for a while. 13 books to read! Just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive but I won't be writing much today. I'm in a good part of the book.
Toodles,
Wes
So I haven't updated this in a few days cause I've been adjusting to finally being off overnights. Its a lot busier at the hotel during the day. I'll admit the other reason is a little selfish. I've been reading alot again and I've been stuck in a book series I love but have yet to finish. Nor will be likely to finish for a while. 13 books to read! Just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive but I won't be writing much today. I'm in a good part of the book.
Toodles,
Wes
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